The covid pandemic has made a lot of us think about death more often, especially, as in my case, close members of your family have passed away in the last twelve months. Most of us hope for a peaceful and painless death but some are less fortunate. Some of the most horrific deaths have been caused by war, murder or natural accident. The lgbt community still suffers murderous attacks because of our genders and sexual identities.
There’ll never be an appropriate time to ignore death and it’s more ironic and unusual causes, those that are so weird, bizarre or unique that they stand out. No doubt you’ve heard of the Darwin Awards. Named after Charles Darwin these are imaginary awards given to people who, through their own mistakes, have removed themselves from the human gene pool permanently.
Below are examples of unusual causes of deaths in the lgbt community. Not all of them qualify for a Darwin Award but are no less notable. With one exception I am excluding murders and suicides that were deliberate or premeditated.
Sir Francis Bacon, 1st Viscount St. Alban (1561-1626) – statesman, scientist and philosopher. Perhaps Bacon’s death is one of the most famous Darwin Awards, despite it being questioned in recent years. It was Bacon’s scientific curiosity that led to his demise. On a cold and snowy afternoon in March 1626 Bacon was riding in his carriage just outside London when he had an idea. Could snow preserve meat? So, he stopped the carriage and obtained a dead chicken for a nearby household (most people kept chickens in those days) and began stuffing and packing it with snow. I suppose he took the chicken back home with him to observe the effects, but he never got to find out if he was right. He caught a chill which soon developed into bronchitis and he died about a week later.
Jean-Baptiste Lully (1632-1687) – French composer, pioneer of modern opera and military bands. Lully was Master of the King’s Music to Louis XIV of France. In those days the conductor of an orchestra didn’t wave a baton around. They kept time by tapping a staff on the floor (orchestras were quite small in those days so musicians could easily see and hear the staff tapping). This staff evolved into the big ornamental staffs that leaders of marching bands carry today. In late 1686 King Louis XIV recovered from surgery and Lully decided to celebrate by organising a performance of his “Te Deum”. During a rehearsal he stabbed himself in the foot with his conducting staff. Blood poisoning and gangrene set in and he died. This cause of death, like that of Sir Francis Bacon’s, has been questioned in recent years.
Arrhichion (d.564 BC) – Olympic champion in the sport of pankration, a mixture of boxing and wrestling in which virtually anything goes. Arrhichion was a native of the city of Phigalia. Like all ancient Greek athletes he would undoubtedly have become the boy-lover of an older athlete during his training and took a boy-lover of his own when he got older. At the 52nd Olympic Games in 572 BC he became champion for the first time. He successfully defended his title at the next games and was hot favourite to win it three times in a row. He made it to his third Olympic final in 564 BC. His opponent, whose name we don’t know, got the upper hand in the final round. He wrapped his legs around Arrhichion and put him in a strangle hold. Arrhichion managed to free one of his legs and trapped his opponent’s foot behind his knee. He twisted his leg so sharply that his opponent was in so much agony that he surrendered. Arrhichion had won his third title. Unfortunately, by this time he had lost consciousness due to the strangle hold and died. The victor’s wreath was placed on his dead body. Incidentally, the oldest known statue of an Olympic champion is believed to be of Arrhichion. It is currently on display at the museum at Olympia.
Tiberius, Emperor of Rome (42 BC- 37 AD) died twice – sort of. This is the exception to my “no premeditated murder” rule. Despite being emperor he lived his final years in semi-retirement at his villa on Capri. There he allegedly trained young boys to nibble at bits of him when he went swimming! He was an old man by this time, and as he was approaching his 78th birthday he began to show signs that he was dying. Courtiers gathered around his bed and watched him breathe his last breath. At the villa was Caligula and the courtiers wasted no time in proclaiming him the new emperor. Meanwhile, Tiberius began to revive! Reports of what happened next vary but they all agree on one thing. To ensure that Caligula was the legal emperor someone smothered Tiberius with his own bedclothes. This time they made sure he was dead.
Pietro Aretino (1492-1556) was an Italian satirist, playwright, blackmailer and self-proclaimed sodomite. He was once described as the Father of Pornographic Literature. His death, like that of Tiberius, has several variations but the ultimate cause is the same in all of them. One account says that he was at a party hosted by his sister when someone told a very risqué or rude joke. Pietro laughed so much that he couldn’t breathe. He fell backwards off his chair and smashed his head on the floor. Whether is was his inability to breathe or his head smashing on the floor that caused his death at least he died with a smile on his face.
The same cannot be said of Isadora Duncan (1877-1727), the bisexual American dancer and dance teacher whose death is one of the most well-known in the theatrical world. She was staying in the south of France and accepted a lift in an open-topped car. One of her friends advised her to put on a coat because the evening was a bit chilly, but Isadora refused, preferring instead to wear a long scarf. As the car sped away the flowing end of the scarf got caught in the spokes of a rear wheel and yanked Isadora from the back seat, throwing her onto the road, breaking her neck.
I’m sure none of us would like to endure these death, except perhaps Pietro Aretino’s. The world will never be short of unusual deaths as long as there is an infinite number of possibilities of passing away. I hope I “meet my maker” in the same manner as my grandfather – peacefully in bed at the age of 101.
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